Our Email Review series looks at real-world marketing emails and offers thoughts and feedback that you can apply to your own campaigns.
In this post, we’ll look at an email I recently received from Woburn Safari Park.
Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with Woburn Safari Park. I merely received this email as a consumer. I have no information on how well the campaign performed and all feedback is simply my personal opinion.
The subject line
Save a bundle for explorers of all ages this half term…
As a parent of two young children, I was interested enough to open the email.
That’s always the first hurdle, and in this case the subject line did its job.
First impressions
My initial reaction was fairly positive.
The imagery is professional, relevant and engaging. Capybaras are incredibly popular at the moment and the visuals immediately tell me this is a family-focused email.
However, after opening the email I quickly ran into a problem.
I couldn’t immediately find the offer.
The subject line had promised a saving for half term, but after reading the opening paragraph I still didn’t know what that saving actually was.
Eventually I found the details further down the email, but I had to work quite hard to get there.
The biggest issue
The biggest issue for me is that the key information isn’t obvious enough.
The text feels cluttered and there isn’t a clear visual hierarchy guiding me through the email.
Once I do find the offer, I then have another problem.
There isn’t an obvious route to book.
As marketers, we often spend a lot of time persuading people to take action. When somebody is ready to act, we should make that process as easy as possible.
The missed opportunity
Further down the email there’s also a section promoting Peppa Pig.
As a parent, I know plenty of children who are absolutely obsessed with Peppa Pig.
The interesting thing is that this wasn’t mentioned in the subject line.
That means some recipients may have ignored the email because they assumed it only contained a generic safari park promotion.
Including Peppa Pig in the subject line could have increased the relevance of the email for a portion of the audience before they’d even opened it.
My revised version (right)
I think you’ll agree that the revised version makes the key information much easier to extract.
The offer is immediately visible.
The call to action is obvious.
The booking route is clear.
Users can understand the email and take action in a fraction of the time.
In a crowded inbox, those efficiency gains can be important.
I’ve also changed the order of the content.
The capybara story is interesting, but it’s not the primary reason for the email.
The objective of the campaign appears to be driving visits during half term, so I’ve moved the offer to the top and made it the focal point of the message.
How well does the subject line work?
Instead of:
Save a bundle for explorers of all ages this half term…
I would try something like:
This half term: Adults pay kids’ prices | Meet Peppa Pig
It’s more specific.
It tells me exactly what the offer is.
It introduces the Peppa Pig attraction.
Most importantly, I know what the email contains before I open it.
Once I do open it, the details are clear and the route to action is obvious.
For me, that’s what good email marketing is all about: making it easy for interested customers to understand the message and take action.